Reflection...

I haven’t taken enough time to reflect lately. That has really changed since my grad school days- I always had professors challenging me and encouraging me to reflect on everything that we were learning; that would lead to a reflection on where I was at that point in my life and lead down so many other avenues.

As I write I am sipping hot chocolate- a Fall staple of mine- listening to the rain and waiting for two little babies to wake from morning naps…well, I guess three babies to wake if I count Sweet Pea. I totally feel like the planets have aligned and all is right in my small little world.

That is a far cry from last week… I started watching my cousin’s precious baby girl about a week ago. With me staying at home, I feel obligated to pay the medical bills for Sweet Pea (this is totally stemming from me; Chris would never expect or want me to find a way to pay for our baby, but at times I don’t feel like I am contributing…) so, along side of the photography gig that I mostly float, I wanted to make sure that I would have a set amount of “income” to save. Robin was headed back to work and I offered to watch her new little baby! Really, it will be great for Eli in the long run and has already been great for me. There was so much that I forgot about this short stage.

Eli had a really bad day- no naps equal no fun for this momma. I was left wondering what in the world we were thinking wanting to have another so soon. Really, the baby was a piece of cake compared to the terror that was Eli that day. I think I cried for an hour and a half that night while Chris listened to all the fears that I had of bringing home another baby…one that didn’t go home at the end of the day. I felt guilty for not being able to devote my full attention to Eli, guilty for not taking full advantage of all the time that we did have that I have wasted…the list went on and on. Poor Chris; he just had to listen and reassure me. Those moments with him I treasure; I am so glad I married him. What a wonderful person to spend the rest of my life with.
Thankfully, I woke that morning refreshed and calm. Eli has been pretty wonderful ever since. I think he is getting use to the baby and he is really a great helper.

Chris and I talked last night about how different this pregnancy is from the last. I would constantly be thinking about Eli, sing to him, read to him. Sweet Pea just likes to kick around a lot to make sure I remember she is there. I wonder if we will take as many pictures of her, blog as much about her…all of those little things that seem to become less frequent the more kiddos you have. Chris and I are vowing to find a set amount of time each week to think about our new baby girl…we will see if we can make it happen.

I can’t believe that I have been staying at home for just over a year. I really don’t even know if I am technically just a stay-at-home mom anymore. Sometimes I feel so overtaken by the photography stuff that I feel like it is my first job. That is totally not what we are going for, so we will be taking a break from our shoots starting in the middle of December through February. After that we will only be taking two shoots a week…no matter what. I really feel like if I wanted this to be my full-time job it could be, but I gave up my career in a reason. I am not about to stick Eli in daycare so that we can take on more work- I would go get a job in my actual field first. I miss High Ed. I can’t let myself look at the job postings or thoughts would creep in about going back to work; thoughts like how much faster our mortgage would be paid off, getting Chris a new car, saving more, re-doing our kitchen… I can come up with a very convincing argument. Then I see Eli (smile)…I know this is worth it. I know I will never wish I would have worked more. I know I will treasure every second that I got to spend at home with him- he is already growing so fast…

And so, that is the way I justify giving up my career for the next how-ever-many years. I am comfortable with that; not joyous, but comfortable. A justified sacrifice. I wish I could be that stay-at-home mom who just relishes in the home environment, but I am not…;)

Red River

Since we had family coming into town for Labor Day, we decided to put off our holiday for a few weeks. Last weekend, at the very last second, we decided to head out of town because we knew that if we didn't go then we wouldn't go at all. We literally didn't know where we were going until around midnight the night before. Chris got to work at 4:30am to finish up some things he had going on and we pulled out of Amarillo for Red River at 2:00p.m...we booked the hotel on the way. This is so unlike me... I am a planner, but we have been so busy, I just didn't have time to care! Ha! We went along with my parents, who also were in need of some serious vacation time.

We stayed in a little apartment-type hotel, the Auslander. It was so nice to have a kitchen and a living room instead of two plain hotel rooms! Eli really enjoyed being able to see Memamaw and Grandpaw whenever he wanted.

I had  to get this picture. This is on the little patio area from our room. The holes were the perfect height for a certain little boy to look out. 

Eli is fascinated with guitars at the moment. So, when we heard that there was live music in the park, we took him down to check it out.

Eli might have gotten really attached to Memamaw and Grandpaw. Much to my mother's delight, Eli can fully say her name now...and sing the song that goes along with it. If this kid can say Memamaw, he can say anything!

Red River is full of motorcycles and tractors...what more could a little boy want?

Oh, and wagons to pull around...

Our third day we headed to Taos to do a little shopping. My favorite was this toy store with a playground in back...it was pretty awesome.

Eli giving daddy kisses through the netting...Eli has the best daddy.

We also took a little walk...

and yes, even being 4 1/2 months prego with our little Sweet Pea, I still let Eli ride on my shoulders when it got really steep.

He loved to look at the river... he also got really attached to his Elmo on this trip; he went everywhere with us.

Eli with the best daddy in the world!

Just for fun, here is a picture from our Red River trip last year! Look at those little chubby cheeks- Eli's, not mine! ;) It is fun to think that next year I will be toting a little girl the same age.

Oh, we had a great time. Chris got to spend a few days away from work and I got caught up on all  of our photography stuff! Chris even helped me edit a few! It feels so nice to be completely caught up again. Of course, we have 4 more photo shoots this weekend, and I will be behind once again, but I am relishing in the glory of this moment!

20 Months...

Oh, Eli! You are another month older. Does time ever start to slow down?

One of your favorite things to do to take your train outside and walk...

You always find someone to charm along the way; you always wave hello and bye-bye to the cars and trucks you see. Your vocabulary is astounding..you are starting to link 3 and 4 words together.

You just noticed the moon and will look for it every time that we go outside.

You also just started to stick out your tongue when you are concentrating...so cute.

You just started having "time-outs". Mommy and Daddy were just hitting your hand if you did something wrong, but you began hitting, so we switched our method to time out...:) Lesson learned by Mommy and Daddy.

You are still such  a good boy. You always make us so proud...you are a little charmer to everyone you meet. You are learning Jesus Loves Me; I love to hear how you say "Jesus"- it is precious. You also started your Kindermusik class every Tuesday night. I think it will be a wonderful way for you to learn more through music.

Oh, Eli. Your big, beautiful eyes still can melt my heart...

Sweet baby boy...

How much longer will we be able to call you a 'baby'? I will probably be calling you that for the rest of my life. May you always know how loved you are... we are so excited to see what big things are in store for you.

We are having a.....

Today we had our cake cutting party! Check out the video to see if we are having a boy or a girl!

Baby P II Update

Yesterday was our 20 week sonogram with Baby P II!

No cheating for us...the sonographer didn't tell us if the baby is a boy or a girl, and that information is double sealed, confined to the glove box of my car. Lynsey is coming by the house tonight to pick it up, and Marsha will be making us a yummy cake that is tinted pink or blue.

We will have our cake cutting party this weekend with our family while celebrating numerous birthdays and Grandparents' Day- I love how it is all working out! Today has been filled with cleaning and such to get ready for our guests.

Anyway, back to the important stuff...
I really enjoyed flipping through National Geographic with Chris while we waited for our sonogram. I don't remember the last time that we have gotten to just sit and be alone. About 15 minutes later we were back in the room with the sonographer. It was really funny because she kept pointing out different features of the baby and saying, "If this measurement is short, then it is an indicator for an abnormality..." I would just hold my breath and about 5 seconds later she would say, "and it looks perfect" and move on to another area.

When it was time for her to find the gender we looked away...we are both betting that it is a boy because she said that she was 100% sure of what she saw. I would be lying if I said I won't be a little disappointed if it isn't a girl, but really, I am sure that I will get over it pretty fast! Eli is such a joy, and I just want us to have at least one girl...and I will adopt one if need be! We have the perfect little girl name picked out; but a pretty awesome boy name too...so either way, we are set.

Also, some of you may not know this, but we are going to try to do VBAC with this baby. I will be the first to admit that I am a little...okay, a lot, nervous about it. Honestly though, I know the scary risks, but I also know that we want more kiddos and the risks can be even more scary the more C-sections that you have, so we are opting to try. I stress try because no one on my mom's side of the family has been able to birth a child naturally...none of them have more than two children either.

I learned a long time ago that the way you birth your child has no bearing what-so-ever on what type of mother you are going to be. If we end up with another C-section, I will be disapointed, just like with Eli, but I know that it has no bearing on my ability to be a wonderful mother. Honestly, we are praying for a natural delivery, but a healthy baby and mommy more than that. I would appreciate extra prayers too.

Anyway, of course, the video of the cake cutting will be put up on the blog, just like two years ago! So be on the lookout Sunday night! :)

This is our son...

I feel like I talk about other people's kids everyday...all the time. We love meeting new little cuties and taking their pictures, but our heart is always going to go to this little cutie. Since we have been so busy photography-wise, the last thing we want to do after a shoot or editing all day is to pick up the camera and take more pictures...but we are missing out on this little guy and how cute he is... 

Daddy took a little bit of time out of a recent photo shoot and took some photos of Eli. He came along with us that morning, and during a wardrobe change, Chris took the time to snap a few pictures of Eli.

I am so glad he did...:). This is our son.

Our son who is way too cool to look at us and smile for a picture anymore.

Our son who is constantly in wonder of the world around him. He is so smart; really, he is so smart. We are amazed every day by what he picks up.

Our son who still has the faintest little scar from a fall almost two months ago. I could easily take it out in PS, but I like it. He also has one, single freckle just to the side of his nose.

Our son who we are so excited to see grow up. I know that he has an exciting future waiting for him. What a privilege to be his parents...

Our son who yells out "truck" every time he sees one. He is also fascinated with trains and tractors and will say "hi" to every single person that walks by.

Our son who grabs a prop hat from the photo shoot and refuses to take it off, wears rocket shirts and climbs all over creation.

This is our son. We are so blessed.

Eli-

May you always know that you so, so loved.